Butt Cupping

So apparently this was a thing? I know cupping is currently a trendy/alternative spa treatment, I have no idea how this is supposed to help ANYTHING, I’ve read about it and I STILL don’t get it.

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What is the origin of this curious treatment? I can actually understand the concept of leeching, but cupping? I have so many questions. Why the butt cheeks specifically here? Did the subject pose for this? How long did it take the artist to draw this? Did he have to stifle laughter, or was this a Serious Thing? He looks like he’s hanging out on a balcony, enjoying the view? Why standing up? With just his pants down over his butt cheeks? Will we ever know the full story of Frederick Dekkers’ subject? And most alarming is the giant cup on the floor to the right; WHERE IS THAT GOING TO GO? Is that going to go on his head and suck the life force from him? Is this a SUICIDE?


So long, David Jones

It’s hard to put into words how I feel about the death of one of the greatest musicians of the last century. He could do ANYTHING. There has never been anyone like him, and there never will be. He was extraordinary in all the ways. It’s hard to come up with a favorite song or album, but my heart has always had a special place for Young Americans. In combing through all the amazing videos, I wanted to share something a bit different. Even though this is a shitty quality video, his voice and his charisma is unmistakable.


And this low-brow video for ‘Ashes to Ashes’ from the Scary Monsters album! It’s so bizarre, melancholy, and haunting. That costume! But that’s what to expect from him. He was full of surprises.


His music provided the soundtrack to nearly every chapter of my life. I’m so thankful he left such a vast library of music and art for us and for generations to come. My mom was a fan, and my children are fans. He will be timeless.




Video for “Hang On Now” by Kajagoogoo 1983. The singer, Limahl, sang the theme song for the movie “The Neverending Story”. Beautiful voice. But THIS BAND. I don’t know if I love them or hate them. This is even a great song. But you have to close your eyes and pretend some other band, ANY other band is playing it…

What. on. earth. is. happening. here. The mannequins are cool I guess. But wait for the two girls at 2:19. Why. Whyyyyyyy

Here is the video for their more recognizable hit “Too Shy” – file under Best Low Budget Videos of All Time. And the most preposterous, as that guitar player is jamming away but I don’t hear it. This seems to be a common thing in 80’s videos; people playing instruments you can’t even hear in the song…

NYPL Digital Collections OH MY

Screen Shot 2016-01-07 at 11.59.13 PMNow that NYPL Digital Collections are released for public use, I’ll have even MORE excuses to stay up all night! So far, images I’m drawn to I’ve already seen elsewhere. Hm. Pretty excited about the Joffrey Ballet slides. Here is a design drawing by Leon Bakst for the ballet L’Apres midi d’un faune, one of my very favorites. My teenage crush, Nijinsky, put on this dirty little display of primal sensuality in 1912. See how he’s fondling that scarf and crossing his legs? Yeah. Sigh.


Screen Shot 2016-01-08 at 12.21.53 AMAnd the man himself, in ecstasy. The dreamy swells of Claude Debussy’s Prelude is the perfect soundtrack. Soundtrack? I just called ballet music a SOUNDTRACK. I’m leaving this here as testament to my mental decline.

Several reconstructions of the original choreography have been done over the decades, using the few surviving photos and drawings along with the written descriptions of the dancers and people who saw the performances. About the weirdest thing I’ve seen about it is this video that attempts to put these images in motion. It is STRANGE. But in a way, I think he would have approved. He was pretty strange, too. Even before he went mad. I often wonder if he was mad at all, just wonderfully strange, and no one could handle it then.


Jel Ena’s Sanctum Infernum


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Medea – Jel Ena

Jel Ena was recently interviewed for Dirge Magazine. While I think this interviewer tries way too hard in reviewing her work, I enjoyed what Ena had to say about her own approach. But this comment struck me:

I was interested in exploring the power and control this demon women have, (something that in real life is only possible to obtain by men, still).


Perhaps she is a product of her own culture in which this might be true, but I’m surprised nonetheless. Even prior to the biblical Eve, women have been portrayed as the source of evil or demonic powers. Mythology is rife with female characters who possess some sort of supernatural power to control, dominate, or inflict horrible retribution or revenge – ironically, the same attributes to men in myths are seen as virtuous, praiseworthy, and commanding of respect and worship.

Scholarly art critique aside, I appreciate her sex and death imagery because it evokes both revulsion and desire; two opposite emotions that are the hallmark of human drama. Aesthetically, I especially like black ink drawings and I’m rather fond of horns on women. Well done, Ms. Ena.

What is my body, even


Summer, 2014


Summer 2014

The difference between these two sets of photos is about 18 months. I’ve yo-yo’d about four times over the past few years, not by choice. Stress, anxiety, and grief made me thinner. Acceptance and resignation to my circumstances made me rounder. At no point was I trying to be one or the other. The interesting thing about being these two different sizes is that I didn’t feel that different. My clothes fit differently and my wardrobe choices had to change, but inside, I didn’t feel any different at all. I have felt alternately self-conscious and confident on any given day.


Summer/Fall 2015


Fall 2015

Here’s the weird thing, though: when I see photos of myself, I think, who is that?! That’s not what I think I look like, it’s not what I feel I look like. It’s been a love/hate battle between what I feel inside about my appearance and what I see in photos or videos. They do not match at ALL. I give mega-side-eye to articles about how our “flawed, child-bearing bodies” are beautiful, blah, blah blah. I personally don’t like mine. I don’t like it at ALL. I don’t take particular pride in stretch marks of pregnancies I didn’t want or enjoy. It wasn’t fun getting them and it isn’t fun having them. They aren’t “badges of pride”, they’re marks of damage.

I’m really bored of media hype about being happy with your body the way it is. It doesn’t matter what friends, lovers, strangers, or family say; I have a real problem with mentally/emotionally/psychologically relating to the body I have. Most of the time, I feel like a voluptuous, round, ripe piece of fruit. That feels GREAT! Then it all goes away when I see my reflection in a mirror and in pictures of myself.

My opinion is likely to be unpopular, but I don’t mind. I’m just speaking my truth. I’m not speaking for anyone else. Just me. It’s my body, my mind. I have to live in it.

Dyke Monger

I love lesbian pulp novel covers. It’s fascinating to see how these writers viewed lesbians, or maybe how they thought their audience perceived them.

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Beyond normal lesbian pleasures?

Not that I’m an expert, but those actually look like pretty normal lesbian pleasures, so far. Maybe they’re just getting started. In a moment, she gets out a spatula, a hard-hat and an air-compressor.


You can find quite an array of these all over the internet. Here are some at the Yale University library, in the rare books and manuscripts department. This cracks me up. I don’t think they’re all that rare.

Oooh here’s an idea…

  1. Start a podcast
  2. Read lesbian pulp novels
  3. Make bank